Hello and welcome back to Radio 4, where we’re covering the BlogBot championship, just like everyone else, but here we do it calmly. Just a reminder that BlogBot is a sport for people with high blood pressure, too, and sometimes those people want t hear the goings on without too much yelling or fuss.

Here we are - and what a nice crowd we have today. The fans of CrowBot2000 call themselves the Crowboys, and wander around in the convention halls with black wings strapped onto their arms and sports caps on backwards, talking like they’ve just come from a fraternity or a ball sports game… It’s not known how Raven1207 feels about this, as it seems to have sprung up from an internet meme, but these young people seem to be having a whale of a time.

Oh - here we go - the bout’s about to begin,

To the left, in position 4, we have Credit Score F. A bit of an enigma, this bot; it started out as a weird hunk of bolts that looked like it had been set up deliberately to loose, then at one point became the most expensive bot in the league, but it still hasn’t managed to bank any wins. Perhaps tonight will be it’s night?

And over there, in position 15, is the aforementioned CrowBot2000. CrowBot seems to have been fitted with an experimental flamethrower system - no-one is quite sure how it will work, least of all Raven1207.

Between them sits the Colonel, a doughty, solid presence overseeing it all with a stentorian eye. It’s nice that young people today still have a respect for authority and leadership; the Colonel is a reminder that your elders still have wisdom.

Oh, how nice, the match has begun now.

Well, it’s off to a busy old start, that’s for sure; Credit Score: F has busied its way forward. It has met the Colonel in the middle of the arena and I’m afraid to say that a little jostle has taken place. Credit Score F has a bit more poke than the Colonel, but only a little, so the old fellow has fallen back a couple of steps before digging his heels in.

Here’s CrowBot now coming in from the other side - oh, bump! Haha, isn’t that nice, it seems like the two younger Bots are trying to give the old Colonel a nice hug! Isn’t that - oh - oh, oh no, no, Credit Score F, you don’t hug with a taser, that’s not a nice h- CROWBOT WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU DON’T HUG WITH A FLAMETHROWER, OH MY GOD

...

Ladies and gentleman, I will spare you the details of what has transpired here today. I am sad to say that respect for our veterans is not as high as we may have wished. Suffice it to say that the Colonel has been thoroughly disrespected, and the two Bots who perpetrated this outrage - so obsessed with their act of wanton disobedience - got stuck into a loop of alternately firing a taser into the poor Colonel and dousing it with flamethrower fuel.

So busy were they that they didn’t notice the time-out buzzer, and CrowBot2000 was the disrespectful child who was first to be caught out by the sudden death mechanism. Credit Score: F wins by TKO.

...and I have just been handed a note to say that The Eveningly Calm BlogBot Update has been cancelled, immediately. Thank you for listening and goodnight.