[Greatly improved title sequence.]
- Welcome back to Reality TV! Today, we’re bringing footage from the brand new indoor fruit garden.
- Darknight’s just arriving; it seems he’s back in the bathroom. He doesn’t look all that happy to be in here, but he seems to have been busy participating in tactics talks with the other players. Presumably, he’s here to win. arthexis is busy asking a lot of trivial questions; he seems to have been the first to forget he’s on a reality TV show. Always nice to see the true side of someone coming through. Darth Cliche is acting stupid, but I think it’s a ruse to get the other contestants off their guard; maybe he’s just trying to confuse arthexis further, or maybe he’s got slightly confused by the side-effects of the fruit in there. (I see the contestants have been at the fruit a lot; possibly that’s a bit unwise, I’m not quite sure how edible it all is, although the prop guys assure me there’s nothing life-threatening there. Besides, they’re running out of other things to eat.) Influenza seems to be enjoying his stay here; he’s been sunbathing (well, flourescent-lamp-bathing) in the garden for hours, so I think this is an enjoyable holiday for him.
[Massive crash; the floor heaves as if there was an earthquake, although there is little sign of an aftershock; the fruit trees shake and fruit and leaves fall onto the ground; arthexis’ chair collapses.]
[Camera shows colour bars for a moment, then static.]
- TV announcer
- We apologise for the technical problems we’re having with today’s prime-time program Reality TV. While we work to restore the connection, here are some replays of this morning’s lawnmower race.
Don’t worry, nobody was hurt. Although most of our stuff is broken, and it seems it’ll take a while to fix. (So annoying too, the cameras were broken this morning and we only just got them working in time for the programme…) And the speakers are emitting some sort of annoying high-pitched whining sound. But what on earth just happened?