I propose a new subsection be added to the rule “Characters” entitled “Panicking Schmuck”, with description:

The panicking schmuck lost eir wallet this morning. This wallet contained government issued ID, credit cards, cash, and tickets to a comic standup night. Without this wallet, the panicking schmuck was in a fit because there was no way e could get to the airport in time for eir 2:30 flight to Miami, especially with the transit strike slowing everything down. Eventually however, e scabbed money off eir roommate and wrote a cheque to a taxi driver to get to LaGuardia ASAFP, foregoing the opportunity to be delivered a Christmas gift for eir father’s girlfriend. This rush led the panicking schmuck to forget that it was in fact only eleven in the morning, and by waiting another hour could have received said gift and said wallet without having two hours to spare writing bunk proposals on blognomic, drunk from white russians in the Admirals Lounge which e snuck into

The Panicking Schmuck has a maximum number of:

2

I further propose that Notafraud’s role field be changed immediately to “Panicking Schmuck” in honor of his horrific morning.