Wednesday, August 24, 2022

Story Post: Bout #35: B.A.D. vs Hard Hat [Trapdoorpsyder vs SingularByte]

Bonour, you silly little viewer a’ ‘ome, it is moi, le Annuncier Continental, Gustave. Ole!

Vas ist das, you are conceeeeeerned that je suis an alarming mashup of continental stereotypes? Mi amigos, fret not, for this is un lande de fantase, and your petit stereotypes are all confuséd ‘ere.

On zis monde, it is quite normal, de verdad!

In any case, heute morgan we have two gladiatores - le venerable B.A.D et el positively creaky Hard Hat. A great rivalry, this, but this is but a practice bout, which may explain why it has been given to le ethnic commentator, d’accord?

‘Ard ‘at is but a little changed - gone is its old cattle catcher, replaced with ablative plating an le comical giant mitt. Alores! Es ist sehr verwirrt.

B.A.D. remains what we in le continent refer to as an Odge Podge - silly dome body, axe, thick ceramic plate, not tres elegante, vale?

Whatever, the go time, it is now, wee.

It is le B.A.D. with le initiative, moving to positione 12, forgetting peraps that la positione 12 contains an explosion trap? BOOM goes B.A.D., very silly, bolts loose, bad for engine. Hard Hat carries out le grande pivote, facing in el otra direccione, and B.A.D. continues its naughty little advance, to position 13.

Hard Hat now moves, forward, which means closer to the gutter, but stops right on the edge at position 19 and then just - sits there?

B.A.D. does a creepy-creep forward, to 14 and then 15, while Hard Hat is just… how you say… untätig? Inert? Okay.

Then B.A.D moves to position 16 and that is le go time for Hard Hat! Si si si, el hombre casco de seguridad scuttles back to 15, and B.A.D turns around but too late, le trap, el es esprungo, and now B.A.D. is being pushed back - el mot de Hard Hat, el es atomico! B.A.D. stops the pushing at square 18 and goes a whacky with the axey, but no matter to Hard Hat, which simply resumes pushing - and that’s enough - the silly B.A.D. robot is in the gutter and now it is wine and cheese time, si?

Hard Hat wins by TKO!


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