Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Story Post: [Flavour] Disqualification

[A camera points at the Host, who is rather wet, and drying off on a beach Outside. In the distance, several contestants, camera crew, and the Hostess, are busy attempting to salvage the bunker by pumping water out of it (or possibly sabotage it by pumping water in?)]

Host
So, it seems that, according to the rules, we have a winner. We’re down to three contestants, and between them they voted yuri the winner.
However, I’m not sure if we can call this a legitimate win. First, there’s the little problem of the bunker being mostly underwater. Swimming out to avoid a flood hardly counts as being voted out by the viewers; a need to evacuate the bunker is probably unusual circumstances, and I see no reason why the opinions of all the contestants who ran from the flood shouldn’t count.
Second, yuri went outside, and flooded the bunker deliberately. This sort of sabotage would be enough to disqualify someone as it is, but worse, he pumped water into the control room while I was in it. (No excuses, yuri; the cameraman was outside helping with the bailing and we caught it all on tape.) You know that bribing/blackmailing the Host is not allowed; attempting to drown me probably counts as blackmail.
Therefore, yuri_dragon_17 is disqualified. As for the prize fund? It’s dropping to $0. The amount of foul play here has been hideous. You all deserve nothing for a mess like this. I’m ashamed.

[Host storms off-camera]


Host
See, I told you I’d find some excuse not to give away the money. Mission successful, I think. Also, ratings had dropped way down, but we got a record number of viewers for the ending; I think I probably got away with that one.
Cameraman
Ah good. Now, any chance you could help me get out of here? It’s been a nice holiday, but I really need to get home sometime soon or I won’t get any work for ages.
Host
Well, I think the Kitchen’s dry enough to fit both of us in. Do you have any experience in getting Cessnas in flooded underground fridges to fly?
Cameraman
You’d be surprised…

[Host and cameraman swim back into the bunker.]


[The skies, above the island. Below are several people, looking like tiny figures, a bunker which has clearly just been dropped roughly into a hole in a ground after being transported to the island, and the wreckage of a tower crane.]

Host
Wow, you are good with technology. I suppose that all we can do now is pick a direction and hope we reach mainland; after all, I don’t know where I am.
Cameraman
Nah, that’s simple. North-north-west, and keep flying, we’ll be back home soon.
Host
You mean you knew where we were all along?
Cameraman
You never asked…

Don’t worry, this is purely flavour. It was a good and perfectly nomic-style win; just not the sort of thing that would normally be allowed in a reality TV show.

Comments

Ienpw III:

06-24-2009 20:00:13 UTC

Oh no! I was counting on that Cessna and the money to have a *HUGE* celebration for all the Contestants, and the Host, too, for a season well done. I’m going to have to do some fundraising for our little trip then…

ais523:

06-24-2009 20:09:50 UTC

The money never existed in the first place; that’s why I was so anxious to avoid anyone getting it.

Qwazukee:

06-24-2009 21:01:30 UTC

A bit strange that no one ever seems to actual win the prize promised in a nomic.