Thursday, June 25, 2009

Ascension Address: Let’s Kick Back and Relax

Well… that TV show turned out… interesting. Aside from most of us almost drowning, I think we had a good bit of fun. There was one little problem though… after almost dying, I managed to get myself disqualified, ending the show rather anti-climatically. That meant no prize fund.
That was really too much, so me and some of the others filed a class-action lawsuit for reckless endangerment, and breach of contract. After only a couple hours, the producers settled for $350 000. So I turned to Waukee and said, “Why not go on vacation!”
Thirty-six hours later, here we are, in a nice Caribbean Village by the ocean. Ahhh, isn’t it nice? Most of the Contestants from the show are here, as is the Host. We’ll just see how people react to him, after he abandoned us in that godforsaken bunker.
We are just going to drop by the hotel, and then I assume we will spread out across the town.
Repeal all Dynastic Rules except 2.6. Replace “Contestant” with “Tourist” and “Host” with “Tour Guide”.
Elizabeth: So that’s it, then? That’s the secret, grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow. You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum.
Jack Sparrow: Welcome to the Caribbean, love.


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