Monday, May 28, 2012

Ascension Address: The End of Time Vihara

The End of Time Vihara is located somewhere towards the end of the heat death of the universe, and is where the Monks of Time while away eternity – an unenticing prospect, thanks to the ongoing ultimate victory of entropy and the fact that their order practiced an ascetic lifestyle that strictly forbade getting slammed on homebrew.

From here the Monks observe the aeons of the past. Because the period of its lifespan in which the universe was actually habitable was comparatively small, however, the Monks long since ran out of the juicy stuff. Most of the great mysteries of existence were solved, with the exception of why Time Buddha was so averse to homebrew; but Time Buddha was a time traveller himself, and as such was hard to track down and ask.

Eventually, however, Time Buddha slipped up.

It was a warm afternoon, mostly due to the background radiation caused by the rapid degradation of all universal matter, when the End of Time Vihara’s computers picked up Time Buddha’s trail. He had hidden his footprints well, but in 2004, for at least a decade, he had been spotted playing a game called BlogNomic; and so the Time Monks sprang into action.

The Vihara calculated that the Monks would need to work through the first 99 Dynasties of the game in order to triangulate the Time Buddha’s presence and work out his identity, and so find out why they hadn’t been drinking delicious scrumpy while the universe burned. The stakes had literally never been higher.

Remove all dynastic rules except rule 2.1; change Player to Time Monk and Net to Time Buddha.


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