... and if you are joining us now then you will witness the last few moments of the tournament opening ceremony, as three hundred youths parade with bared chests and waving flags, as a reminder that we do all of this - the League, the Tournament, all of it - as a ritual to appease our bloodthirsty deity Tarquin Oseele, to whom we demonstrate our strongest so he knows that we are truly weak. Marvellous.

Preliminary business aside, and now, it’s on to the contest!

Sadly, we received news this morning that Lendunistus has had to withdraw from the contest. Sponsorship for Credit Score: F failed to materialise after some ill-advised tweets written several years ago came to light, and so the Bot could not be made match-ready in time. This means that Darknight wins, technically, by TKO, although it’s not the way any of us would have wanted to see it; but Darknight is, regardless, now oly two to three Bouts away from winning this year’s contest, which I’m sure will fill him with relief.

Meanwhile let’s take a moment to acknowledge this contest’s 7th seed and 8th-place finalist: Credit Score: F. The Bot fought six bouts in this competition, and won two of them, both against departed Operator Raven1207. Despite this somewhat middling success record, lendunistus was well-liked in the Arena Halls, and we do of course wish him nothing but the best and hope to see him again next year.

Now, however, on to a match that is taking place: SupernovaStarbright versus Maldor.

Supernova comes into this having reworked DuckTank into a more formidable-looking DuckMech, and looks to be the favourite - the number 5 seed slipped back into that position only in the practice phase, having declined to take the field herself and thus having been overtaken by her competitors. She’s up against Maldor, though, the 8th seed with only two Bouts and no wins to his name. Well - if there was a time to find winning form, this was it.

They’re joined by the menacing form of the Pyramid, as well as a light sprinkling of traps.

And they’re off!

DuckMech is first out, ramming hard into the Pyramid and using that Cow Catcher to shove the house bot clean across the stage! The young wizz has taken herself to position 13, and the Pyramid to 14, dumping the whole problem on Bad Door’s doorstep! But Bad Door isn’t fussed - he has a flipper! With a slittle flourish he sends the Pyramid gradefully skyward, before it clatters back down on its side!

DuckMech uses this moment to employ some fancy footwork, evading against an incoming attack, while the Pyramid tries to right itself - and succeds! Bad Door tries to use its flipper again, but the Pyramid, having just righted itself, moves away from the flipper jaw! But it can’t stop itself taking another shove from the DuckMech - whose front-mounted battering ram is starting to do some dents to the Pyramid chassis. Pyramid changes its heading to face DuckMech but the flipper comes in and the Pyramid is on its back again!

We now seem to have slipped into a steady state - DuckMech evades, Pyramid rights itself, Bad Door tries and fails to flip, DuckMech shoves ineffectively as Bad Door is blocking further progress, Pyramid spins in place, Bad Door successfully flips.

This six-move pattern repeats itself, with the only variation being that DuckMech’s battering ram slowly reduces the Pyramid to scrap - fully knocking off its flamethrower and doing serious damage to its pincers - but the House Bot is saved by the bell when sudden death is called!

In turn 61 DuckTank continues to pressure the Pyramid, but no need as the ground beneath it suddenly erupts, propelling the House Bot from the arena! Bad Door is next up and prepares to take advantage of it - but no, the ground beneath it goes up too! It comes down shattered, and that’s it for Bad Door in this contest - out in 7th place, but what a final Bout to go out on. The crowd give Maldor a warm standing ovation, but SupernovaStarbright is on to round 2-

SupernovaStarbright wins by TKO!