To the Faculty:

It has come to my attention that certain rumours are being spread by certain persons, who I will not name (You know who you are), making all matter of unsubstantiated allegation about the new reservoir. These rumours claim that it is “poisoned” by a “colour” out of “space”, and that drinking from it will cause you to “grey” and then “crumble”. This is, of course, pure rubbish. Recent tests conducted by leading biologists have discovered that the new water supply, is in fact, healthier than normal water. Any “tint” or bitter taste claimed by these rumourmongers is simply the result of an overactive imagination.

I sincerly hope that I do not have to hear about this again, for if I do, there will be consequences for all involved.

Signed,
Dr. Rodney, Director,
Miskatonic University, Arkham.

Change Vegetable to Student.
Change Top Banana to Director.
Change Rotten to Sleeping.
Repeal all Dynastic rules.