Friday, May 15, 2009

Ascension Address: Welcome to Reality

Host, to audience
Welcome to the first episode of Reality TV, the latest grand-prize TV show by Mortis Maximis, the company that brought you smash hit films like Body Count. As you can see, our contestants arrived not long ago, and have all been locked in an underground bunker, where we will watch what they do over the next few days. Or weeks. Or even months, who knows?
I’ll explain the rules later, but for now, look at our brilliant zoomy cameras [rather jerky camera work], we can look all around this place. Everything in this entire complex is under surveillance. As a reality TV first, we even have endoscopic cameras to look inside the contestant’s bodies [blank screen], yes that’s a reality TV first ladies and gentlemen. Expect more surprises like this, right here on Reality TV!
[Cut to rather inappropriately flourescent title sequence.]
Host, to cameraman
So, just because my character was killed in Body Count, I don’t get to work on the sequel, but am instead stuck here on this awful reality TV show that got set up at the last minute just because the CEO thought it was a good idea.
But everyone loved you! You’re a famous actor, you can become a famous presenter too!
Yes, but can I become a famous gameshow designer? I’m stuck here, in this underground bunker in an undisclosed location (why oh why could the prop guys not at least tell me where it was?), with nobody else here but the cameraman, well and the contestants of course. And no rules! How on earth am I expected to run a gameshow without knowing the rules? I know I’m meant to make them up as I go along, but this really shouldn’t be my job alone. I mean, I have no ideas; do you?
Apparently not, but as it’s just me and you, we’ll have to think of something. Hmm, well, there is another possibility…
We could always ask the contestants…

And so, the host, rapidly in search for a solution that would let him try to maintain the impression of control over an entire game show whilst getting basically no help from the parent company, rapidly grabbed a set of rules off the Internet that allowed for contestants in a game to modify the rules, whilst still giving the Host some power and veto rights over any attempt to escape; and let the contestants in on his plan to try to run a gameshow without anyone cottoning on to the fact that it everyone was effectively a plant. Or maybe not; after all, they were still competing with each other. A smile spread across his face as he realised that this could be very interesting indeed…

Repeal all Dynastic Rules except 2.14 (as it really has nothing to do with any particular dynasty). Rename “Scripter” to “Contestant” and “Producer” to “Host”. Welcome to the Reality TV Dynasty!


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